Tim Tebow has met his greatest match, Teebo the Ewok from Star Wars. Both have impressive resumes but who would win in a Tebow-Teebo-off?
by Adam Stone
You've probably never heard of him but Tim Tebow is a pretty popular football player. (Hooray, sarcasm!) Strike that, Tim Tebow is just a popular guy in general. America has already said they would want him as their next door neighbor (Good luck with that. You’d have to invest in extra blinds to keep the rays shining down from the Heavens on his home out.)
At the heart of the Tim Tebow story is an individual with the moral character and resiliency to overcome great odds. But what if I told you there was a similar character that came before him and inspired the masses? No, I’m not talking about Jesus. I speak of Teebo the Ewok, the original Teebo.
That’s right. While Tebow has been fighting critics off the field and defenders on the field, Teebo the Ewok was out with the Rebellion fighting in the greatest space saga of all-time.
Both have impressive resumes but who would win in a battle for ultimate supremacy? (A Tebow-Teebo-off if you will.) Let’s find out.
Tim Tebow’s college accomplishments are enough for any athlete to be proud of. He is the only athlete to win the Heisman Trophy as a sophomore. He helped the Florida Gators chomp their way to two national titles.
His early journey through the NFL has just as much weight as his college days, if only for the number of stories and improbable amount of victories he has helped to engineer. He led the Denver Broncos to the playoffs and pulled off a win against a beaten down Steelers squad ripe for the picking.
If he beats the New England Patriots, which some would call the Evil Empire, he may get a statue erected in his honor.
Considered a watcher of the stars (like Tebow) and a poet, Teebo helped Han Solo and friends literally take down the Empire. He did, however, tick R2-D2 off enough that he shocked his Ewok backside.
Advantage: Teebo the Ewok
At 6-foot-3 and 236 pounds, Tebow is essentially a fullback playing under center, which makes his elusive style impressive.
He also has inspired an entire fan-base of fanatics, both of the football and religious variety, from coast to coast. When you have “What Would Tebow Do?” shirts being made in your name, you know you have some pull.
The intangibles of Tebow are more jaw-dropping than the physical attributes. His character is pristine. The next person to say Tebow is a bad guy will be the first one and we’re pretty sure he’s never seen any film with anything above a PG rating. His idea of swearing is to shout “Aww, gee whiz,” when they’re out of Dilly Bars at Dairy Queen.
It's okay, Tim. We'll get sprinkles on your cone next time.
He also wears his religion on his sleeve and people, for the most part, seem to love him for it.
Our furry friend, from what my research tells me, is well-versed in the ways of medicine and magic.
His character falls in comparison to Tebow (And wouldn’t we all?), as he did get froggy with Han Solo and his friends when they first came to the planet of Endor.
His throwing arm is stronger than Tebow’s, as we’re pretty sure he threw rocks at stormtroopers with an accuracy of better than 50%.
Advantage: Tebow, who gets the edge for his ability to create magic on Sundays.
Tebow was voted the most popular athlete this week and literally has groups of people who worship him. He may be the second most popular player in Bronco history, right behind John Elway.
Teebo the Ewok
It’s pretty well known that the Ewoks are one of the most hated groups of characters in the Star Wars saga. Lucky for Teebo the Ewok that Jar Jar Binks came along to deflect some of that fervor.
Advantage: Tebow, and we owe George Lucas a kick to the crotch for putting teddy bears in Star Wars.
Quality of Opponent:
Tebow beat up on the likes of Alabama , Ohio State, and Oklahoma (which is especially sweet for a Texan like me) while in college. The NFL scalps he has taken aren’t quite as glorious, as he has only won one playoff game so far. That said, you could make the case that he has overcome greater opponents, both in his critics and physical limitations.
Heard of this guy?
Teebo the Ewok helped take him down and also helped engineer the destruction of the Death Star. He also fights against poison ivy every time he uses the restroom out in the woods.
Advantage: Teebo the Ewok. If you beat the Emperor and Darth Vader, that’s impressive. Most impressive.
When the NFL put a mic on Tebow during the Broncos-Bears game, we heard Tebow painfully make his way through a rendition of “Our God Is an Awesome God.” Inspired singing, certainly, but don’t expect him to be on American Idol soon.
Teebo the Ewok
Teebo, along with the rest of the Ewoks, helped ruin the ending of Return of the Jedi with the God awful musical number, Yub Nub.
Advantage: Push. I don’t want to hear praise worship songs during football games or Ewoks singing during an intergalactic civil war.
I don’t know if you heard this yet, but Tebow likes Jesus. A LOT.
Teebo the Ewok
The Ewok worships C-3PO, a protocol droid with the personality of one of the members of Queer Eye For the Straight Guy. Of course, given his primitive nature, I’m sure you could wave a shiny spoon in his face and he’d be bowing down in a few seconds. Stupid Ewoks.
Behold, the Ewoks' new God...and a baby!
Advantage: Tim Tebow
Winner of the Tebow-Teebo-off: Tim Tebow, proving once again that all he does is win.